Behind the mask

2011-08-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

I might just be back, pretty soon <3

Raiyan Aqil

2010-11-11T20:18:00.003+08:00

Hey baby nephew! I'm so glad you decided to come on this very day, 11 November 2010 !

I'm sure everyone-else in the Wahid's Family is also very keen to meet you:)

Confirm, you will be as adorable as your elder brother, akid! Hari Raya celebrations or any family gathering will always be shining the light on you and your elder brother. Since you both are the only nephew and cicit in the family.

We are all so excited to watch you grow up to become a very handsome man! Let's grow up to be the son, your mom is proud of.

Life as we know it

2010-11-11T10:04:00.007+08:00

The pictures we took weren't adorable.

just cause the flash on my camera, was too bright for our eyes.

conclusion: Not a night to take pictures

The long awaited DATE. With our busy schedule, we finally manage to go out on a date last weekend. It was very impromptu. Love didn't have to go work, so he asked me out:)

The movie we chose(despite him wanting to watch Due Date)was Life as we know it. It came out last month, but we went to watch because I have been wanting to watch it:)

It turns out the movie was a 4/5! really thought me that things just don't go as plan as we want it to be. You may have things plan out, but when somethings came up out of the ordinary, you have to make adjustments to suit the life that you are facing.

Then we went to eat Sup Tulang @ Beach Road! We agreed that it was much nicer eating them at home instead of at the shop. It seems more delicious and we can get to eat them, messily!-instead of having to watch out how we eat them...

Almost 2 years together. it was our first time having to eat Sup Tulang together and also get caught in the rain while riding on his bike :) Our second time, going into arcade and challenge one another. He's always the winner to every game we challenged.

A tutor. an inspiration

2010-11-04T22:19:00.004+08:00

I like business finance tutorial. The tutor, Mr Anthony, just don't give up on us.

We had so many questions regarding the lecture that was given to us. And like no other tutor, he explains it until he was assured that each and everyone of us understands the topic.

This week tutorial, he end our tutorial session, by showing us the video below.

Well, I must say it's not that funny. But he sums it all of, by saying " Like any other sportsman, we all need to have lots of practice in order to succeed"
That just made me more motivated to never give up despite all of the things that are happening.

2nd Semester

2010-10-30T14:32:00.004+08:00

It has been two weeks since the start of a new semester!

a rough start.
struggling
trying to be motivate to do work

It has only started, and I feel so pressurized by all the modules that I'm currently taking:

Business Finance
Business Law
Business Accounting
Cost Accounting
Taxation

The pace the lecturers are going is like a train. Instead of the normal 2 hours lecture that we use to have back in year 1, they have 1 hour to elaborate on the lecture notes that are given to us. Which also means that we have to absorb everything is given to us in 1 hour. I guess now, it is all about being self discipline. We have to do our own readings for every modules.

Let's just hope I can go through this without facing any breakdown.

DELAYED POST

2010-10-18T20:24:00.005+08:00

NYP EMRS @ Yahoo! Video

Last Friday was the end of emrs.

Mr Ronald Chong went to compile all the pictures taken throughout the 9 weeks, and make it into a video. Nobody would have thought, he would make a video out of it:)

Upon watching this video, everyone became emotional. It is like graduation all over again,

except this time around we leave to go on with our own course classmates.

It feels like we have been together as a team for so long.that it becomes hard for us to move on to our normal class routine days.which is why we are always trying to plan an event for ourselves to enjoy once we have parted our ways.

Dinner together at SIAM KITCHEN
Bowling at OCC.
Cycling
Car Wash
random meetup during lunch time.
and of course many more upcoming events:)

Let's just hope all of us don't end up being strangers all over again. or lost touch with one another.keeping finger cross on that.

2010-10-16T20:31:00.000+08:00

Everything I do,

in some ways gets the wrong impression...

2010-10-08T15:37:00.010+08:00

Sometimes, you just can’t tell anybody how you really feel not because you don’t know why, not because you don’t know your purpose, not because you don’t trust them but because you just can’t find the right words to make them understand.

Here I am, pushing everyone away,just to see if anyone cared.

FASHION SHOWCASE PREPARATION

2010-10-08T15:37:00.009+08:00

Fashion showcase event is coming in a week's time!
And my team are going for rock and roll with a mix of glam in it!
Somehow, it's kinda hard to find clothes related to that theme from the shopping mall we are suppose to shop from!

It gives me a headache, thinking about the expectations my supervisor is giving us.
so much burden even though we are just business students and not designers!
pfft...

Been doing some research about the theme!
and we have come out with some ideas base on the clothes that we have found from that mall.

And I need supporters for the event!

Basically you will need to come down to Novena Square 2 on FRIDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2010!!

Choose (by voting ) the most attractive one among the five themes!

click on the picture to know more about the event!

click on the link below, if you are keen in supporting us!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=121060444614590

Getar Hati-OST Lagenda Budak Setan(Full Version)

2010-09-29T15:21:00.000+08:00

TWO Sundays Beraya with boyfriend and friends

2010-09-28T19:18:00.005+08:00

This year, boyfriend and I manage to go out twice to go beraya with our friends together.

Firstly, it was with my friends.

We wore this year's colour, which was half chosen by him (black) and me ( purple)

Also it's the first time we have our own transportation, his lovely bike.
I was nervous to take his bike with my baju kurung, cause I have never ride a bike for occasion like this.
In the end, it was kinda fun. with the breeze to feel and the sky to look at.

Secondly, it was with his polymates:) Wore last year's colour which was gold and blue :)
Despite being embarrassed for calling out the wrong guy, instead of my boyfriend.
Everything was well planned, nothing was delayed. Thanks to the organizer who had plan this.
Not forgetting the ride to each and every houses though we almost fell, because my itchy butt and my stupid cloth for my baju kurung.

22ND

2010-09-28T12:00:00.005+08:00

The boyfriend thinks that he is not good enough for me.

And my response to that was -

" We have to work around one's negative point, because everyone is not perfect"

As long, as we love, understand and trust each other, that's not going to be a problem right?

Anyways, I thank him for always being by my side despite my weaknesses...

Whenever I look back, I hate thinking that I'm not that great of a girlfriend that a boy wants.

But then, having you here, I'm grateful for that.

pictures of the zoo

2010-09-23T09:17:00.000+08:00

2010-09-22T14:35:00.010+08:00

As promise, below are the facts about ACRES!

Mission of ACRES
To create a caring and socially responsible society where animals are treated as sentient beings and where the environment is preserved for future generations.”

The Animal Concerns Research and Education Society (ACRES) was founded by a group of Singaporeans.

Their AIM:
Foster respect and compassion for all animals.
Improve the living conditions and welfare of animals in captivity.
Educate people on lifestyle choices which do not involve the abuse of animals and which are environment-friendly.
ACRES strongly believes in promoting community involvement in tackling animal welfare issues and in building partnerships with all related bodies to improve animal welfare.

want to know more about them?
read it up on what they do at their website ACRES

We have also created our own blog about the feedback and activities we did on that day. somewhat trying to bring in the crowd to know more about animal which are kept in captivity.

you can read them at EMRSWILDLIFE2010

2010-09-22T14:35:00.004+08:00

As promise, below are the facts about ACRES!

Mission of ACRES
“To create a caring and socially responsible society where animals are treated as sentient beings and where the environment is preserved for future generations.”

The Animal Concerns Research and Education Society (ACRES) was founded by a group of Singaporeans.

Their AIM:
Foster respect and compassion for all animals.
Improve the living conditions and welfare of animals in captivity.
Educate people on lifestyle choices which do not involve the abuse of animals and which are environment-friendly.
ACRES strongly believes in promoting community involvement in tackling animal welfare issues and in building partnerships with all related bodies to improve animal welfare.

want to know more about them, you guys could read up on what they do at their website

ACRES
We have also created our own blog about the feedback and activities we did on that day. somewhat trying to bring in the crowd to know more about animal which are kept in captivity.

you can read them at EMRSWILDLIFE2010

it's been how long?

2010-09-20T15:39:00.004+08:00

three more weeks to the end of EMRS.

so far, it's the best stopover among the rest.

The team and I manage to plan two events, all of which was successfully done.

thumbs up to that.

The First major event was the coffee appreciation workshop.

which we were thought on how to appreciate coffee brands ( Starbucks, Gloria Jean's and etc) better. there were games after that. lots of people turned up. ( all of which thanks to Sherin's classmates and those who wanted to take a time off away from their respective stopovers)

Second event was the zoo trip. All of the EMRS team were involved, including the supervisors.

We went for a talk from ACRES.( will talk more about them in the following post)

Then the amazing race at the zoo itself.which was well organised!

Everyone basically had a better knowledge about animals which was kept in captivity. and also we kind of had fun at the same time with the supervisors( just cause they too, took part in the amazing race together with us)

Well, that's about it. The next upcoming major event will the fashion show held at Square 2, 15/10/2010
And we need models for that event. You don't need to be an actual model. Well, as long as you are from NYP, confident and presentable for the event.

Auditions will be on Wednesday(22/09/2010)
So sign up for the audition now!!!

We need your support!:)
Thank you.

I have been lazy to update.

2010-09-05T16:24:00.005+08:00

School has been great. EMRS people are fun to be with.

Relationship has been great.

the boyfriend is the same.

Family is as usual as they can be.

Driving is getting tough.

Especially when it comes to the parking lessons.

I have got to brush up on that.

Thank god I'm learning with my uncle,

cause I get to pay the fees once I have the money.

which means he has been giving me free lessons and paid for my TP date.

am very grateful for that.

Hari Raya, this Friday.

I was excited for it until the day I collected my raya clothes.

somehow I'm disappointed with how it turn out to be.

cause it just sucks. you bet with me I don't wanna be seen wearing them.

and I have no idea how not to wear them.

pfft. I will just have to embrace myself and wear it for one day.

you may say I'm spoiled. but you would agree with me when you see me in it.

the thought of it, makes me sulk.

on a bright side, the aunt decided to get me a baju kurung.

to make me feel better.

Well, I hope you guys are happy with your Hari Raya preparation:)

and of course have a blissful celebration with your loved ones.

2010-08-24T12:42:00.004+08:00

my stress level is increasing.

with so many events to plan in a short period of time.

i have come to realise doing a poster is such a tough job to do.

That's if you are a noob on photoshop and illustrator.(which I am)

So I spend my weekend trying to pick up as many skills as I could.

but eventually gave up.

I ended up applying the skills that I know into it.

and volah! manage to do a poster for the workshop:)

My team is becoming more of a joker.

never fail to make me laugh:)

Start-over

2010-08-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

I have no idea the last time we met,

but when we met earlier on,

the minute you surprise me; makes me be reminded of how far we went through to get to today.

and I just can't express how much I love you.

yes, I do act like a kid. and well, that's the way I am.

I'm grateful you have been tolerating it for so long. I promise I will grow up eventually, bby:)

just so we work this together, for sure we will make it through for a very long time..

EVENTS

2010-08-18T21:12:00.003+08:00

The in-school attachment I'm in, kinda fun but at the same time it's boring.

(I know, there's no logic in this)

Well, the time when there's nothing to discuss to think about, that is boring.

I will end up facing on an empty screen of my laptop.

So, I have asked my sweetie pie to give me his friends shows:)

But when it comes to the event, I just can't wait.

I can't reveal it until the day finally arrives:) so jyeah.

just look forward to see my team and I being in action, yeah?

STARBUCKS

2010-08-13T21:48:00.004+08:00

Today, I officially start my training to become a barista.

I was of course nervous to experience something that is very new to me.

Hell, I dont really wash the dishes at home.

or even make tea or teh tarik that often for my family..

so they make a bet between themselves that I won't stay this job for long.

well, we shall see about it.

It's my first F&B job.

and I took my own sweet time to prepare the coffee=.=!

well, my manager says that in a few months time I will be as pro as the others.

so at the very least he has faith in me!

I kinda like the working environment I'm in.

and the place! :)

I get to shop without having to pay GST:D

That's if I have the money.

because I have other things to settle before I think of shopping.

Well, the loverboy and I are talking again.

nothing actually happened between the two of us.

We just basically stop communicating for a period of time.

basically giving each other space. (that's what I believe) It was a period of misery to me.

because I hate being out of touch from him. but it was my call for this phase.

I just hope everything will be better. I dont wanna a cinta monyet. He knows that, and i believe he doesnt want that too.because we did talk about our future plans together.

2010-08-11T14:33:00.002+08:00

Let's take this time to find myself all over again.

Since it's the month where prayers are answered,

I hope mine will be...

Because I trust that God will answer it someday.

2010-08-10T12:50:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a sucky day.

i dint get to do the things that I had plan.

so the plan was:

driving lesson in the morning
meetup with the two guys; they had agreed to go cycling with me!
meetup with maternal's relatives to celebrate national day together at woodlands
sleepover at anisa's house after that

but the plan had to be cancel. just because my headache from the night before got worse.

it got worse that I fainted before trying to get into my parents' room.

I found myself awake at parent's bed after that.

had my rest and ate my medication, after a few hours, mom decided to bring me along for the NDP perfomance. so I spent my night away with the two members of my family.

The fireworks was really awesome. the only thing that I look forward too:)

it was blasting right infront of my eyes. everyone was shouting since it was pretty amazing..

WEEKLY UPDATE

2010-08-07T01:16:00.005+08:00

Self pampered myself on Monday.

as a result, new hairstyle and a cleaner look.

hate the super short fringe which would end curl upwards.

my hair is curly or is it wavy. all in all, my hair is not straight!

First driving lesson on Tuesday,

makes me look forward to every lesson:)

just cause I'm ubber excited when I think that I'm getting closer in attaining that license that I have longed wanted.

which I will have to get it before brother gets his next year:D

Wednesday was with the two drinkwaters.

updated about on previous post.

First starbuck briefing on Thursday,

a step closer to officially start working there.

I just hope I won't get tired working the long hours.

eventhough I really want $$ so that I could depend on myself to get the things I want.

Bowling and retail therapy earlier on.

awesome time with mom and brother.

closer bonds. and brother complaint that I have been pmsing towards him.

which I have apologise. he's the one who always becomes the victim of my sadness.

Perhaps to Sentosa tmrw :)

to enjoy the breeze.

and of course clear out my mind...

A GREAT FRIEND AND BOYFRIEND

2010-08-06T13:32:00.002+08:00

You see when two parties argue,

one would feel lowly of themselves, and the party would think that the other one is so highly.

my boyfriend thinks that he has won the worst boyfriend award. also the worse friend award.

I have got to disagree about that. we may argue or whatsoever. but hey, throughout the whole time together, he never fails to impress me how much of a great guy he is. (we shall talk about how he treats his friends later on oky)

Let's go back when we were just friends or should i say when we first met?,

you let me wear your adidas jacket when the room was uber cold.
one time it was raining heavily at sengkang, I dint bring umbrella to that place, so you went down to meet me with a small umbrella. we both had to actually walk through the rain together. I dint get wet, but you dint:D
hearing my problems:)

then when you asked me to be your girl,

remember how you surprise me with one of the vampire book that i wanted to get? the days when i was super depress with my family problem,
you would stay up with me, webcamming; watching me cry my lungs out. of course you din't forget to console me. and telling me how important a family is, you will be angry at me for being rude towards my mom or when I'm angry with my dad and my brother.
the soccer match we went to, where you actually pulled me away from the fight that was going on; when i was trying to a kpo.
The day when I fainted in school, you came running out of your class the minute my friend called for you?
the moments when you know I'm angry at you, you would leave me alone to let me cool down.
moments when you know there's something bothering me, where you would just let me hold onto you...
moments when i was feeling sick, you would make sure that I had my medications.
the food you make for me. cause hell, you are a better cook than me. the oreo cheesecake and the rice with daging:)
the surprises you make for me. where you would be happy to see me go gaga over the things that you give me.
You endured my crankyness, childishness everytime
and all those times when i complaint about my leg cramps, where you would make sure that the pain will go away...

well, there's many more...I'm not going to list them here. because some moments are just meant to be kept between you and me. but for sure, you make me laugh, cry, happy and angry.

So when it comes to your friends,

You would listen to their problem whenever they needed you
You dint let your problems affect the others ( even to me, you don't let everything out)
You treat your friends like your very own siblings.
Well, you may irritate them alot, but that's your way of communicating and creating closer bonds.
Your friends comes first, most of the time. ( kinda make me jealous about it, but well, as long there's some balance with the time you give to me and them, I'm okay with it)

In one way or another, you give something towards them that only they could feel it.

So well, they would probably agree with me that you are a great friend to them and a great boyfriend to me.

There's always something that will bring us down, just don't forget those great moments that we had whenever it happens...

his friends pictures taken from his facebook:)

2010-08-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

Here's the thing,

if you have read my previous post, you could have already guess that

the loverboy and I aren't in good terms right now...

Whatever we are going through,

it's complicated to let it out...

So please, just stop coming up to me and ask me how he is.

because i seriously don't know. You can just go up to his friends or ask him for yourself.

I'm angry and upsad at the same time right now.

Of course I miss him.

I miss his love. I miss the way he looks at me.

Well, I miss him so fucking bad that it makes me cry looking at pictures of us.

and wondering what the fuck happen to all of those moments.

and I will always hate to sleep because he will appear in my dream.

How we are right now,

it's his job to solve this.

Because hell, I tried coming up to him...

I seriously want this phase to end real fast.

if you know how I'm feeling right now.

well, you would probably know boy..

since you know that I'm not strong facing this kind of situations.

Meet the 2 Drinkwaters

2010-08-05T00:05:00.005+08:00

The boy with the red bean hat, is NUR!

and the boy next to him is Izzat!

Nur has been my friend since secondary 5.

Eventhough I have met him during my specialist course in secondary 3.

but we only got to know one another from our tuition centre.

hell, we both had difficulties with our english, became friends with him immediately...

and we both joined chingay 2009?

and Izzat?

well, he's a friend of Nur. I only know his existance since I dont know when:D

probably via the internet. But then we started talking to one another only this year.

I was desperate for people to help me with my personal selling. so I approached him when I saw him around school. but that's after confirmation made from Nur and himself that he's schooling there.

All three of us, hanged out last two weeks.

It wasn't those awkward moment where you meet a person for the first time.

Just cause they are both very sociable.

manage to catch up with nur! one benefit you get when it's been so long...

the first outing was a walked from raffles place all the way to promenade.

and the second outing, was earlier on.

we initially wanted to watch inception since last week!

but since the seatings were all taken, we decided to choose Ong Bak 3.

Hell, it's not a good movie. basically kinda stone throughout the movie.

the only funny part is during the time there's the crazy comedian.

I was the only one who was laughing my ass off. both the guys beside me were stoning.

and I went " am I not suppose to laugh?"

Well, basically I had fun when I'm with them.

eventhough it seems that I'm outdated or slow about the current topic.

at the very least, they helped me to get through my day without thinking of the loverboy.

Pictures are taken last two weeks:)

I wanna have lots of money

2010-08-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

received a call from Starbucks..
I thought i wouldn't get the job, since they din't call me last week.
So for the past week, i was disappointed that I'm unemployed, and wouldn't have money to spend.

The minute he called, with the good news, I was overjoyed...
Because I will be starting work pretty soon!
jyeah...Let's just hope I know how to make great coffee.
and of course, let's just hope I don't tire myself out.

I'm freaking excited for the job, since it is at the airport transit!:D
I can get to cuci mata while I do my job! ^^
Well, I hope the environment would make me look forward to do my job.

2nd lover turns 20

2010-08-03T23:11:00.004+08:00

She's been around since the day I was born.

We have been wearing the same clothes since young.

but now, we rarely do it...

that just doesn't stop us from being close.

we have grown in so many ways.

She have already become a lady i must say.

Compared to me, she's way mature...

I'm still a kid stuck in a 19 year old body.

Forget about me,

last saturday, it was all about her.

My favourite aunt and I decided to make a surprise for her.

well eventhough it dint go as plan, at least I manage to cheer her up.

because she was really disappointed that I can't meet her that often anymore...

I just hope she will grow and be happy and lovely lady!

of course have a partner in her life that cherish her alot.

I shall quit talking...

let the picture do the talking can?

Well, there's actually more photos. perhaps if you are interested, go check it out at facebook:)

2010-08-03T12:30:00.002+08:00

It's been how many days now?
Every once in a while,
you appear in my mind...

And everytime I look at my phone,
thinking should I call him?
But hell, I know I shouldn't...
The last time I tried, I get even upsad just cause he never answered it...

Thankfully there will be lots of things happening...
You will soon not always be in my mind.
Because that's what you had told me before...
Keep myself busy, so I wont feel miserable not to have him by me.

But boy, can we just stop all of these?
and just make up already?

2010-08-01T12:45:00.005+08:00

I have been arguing. and as a result,
We are taking some rest away from one another....
I have to understand what he needs to make this relationship work..

What I need now,
is people to be around me so that I won't feel his disappearance.

because sometimes being away, it will help each of us
to be a better person. (I hope)

I promise to upload a happier post later on:)

2010-07-28T21:35:00.003+08:00

Upon looking this picture,
I'm tempted to perm my hair all over again!
bahhh....plus hari raya is coming, one of the reason why I should do my hair....
(a reason, I know!)

Though I keep on telling myself, that I will not want to do anything with my hair,
except just let it grow with my natural wavy hair...
But I always feel cacat...boohooo...
Adda is so not confident with her innerself...
which she have to start believing that natural hair is the beauty amongst all those rebonded and permed hair...

Oh, i should just let it grow and maybe when I have long hair, then I shall think about it.
maybe just dye my hair for now:)
should i, should i not?

2010-07-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

It's the 20th...

Our Love Horoscope.

2010-07-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

Was super bored, so I went to read my horoscope for the day. My hands were itchy to find out about my love horoscope between me and rizzuan.(I know I'm not suppose to believe in all this thing. But whatever they state here, it seems so true.does it count as being sinful even if I want to take note of it? I hope not) So below is the result.

You are innovative and original in your pursuits. You are attracted to others who share common concerns in the world as long as you think they are intelligent, compassionate and well intentioned. Yours is an intellectual attachment at first, and you can enjoy your friendship with a Sagittarius, remaining loyal and trustworthy through thick and thin. Since you are not emotionally charged, it is best for you to relate to others through rational thinking...and rationally, your Sagittarius lover scores enough points for you to pursue the relationship.

Sagittarius makes a fine companion for you. He or she is goal-oriented, dynamic in their global and international interests and shares a common desire to bring a broader perspective into the minds of the collective. Whereas you tend to be motivated by originality, your partner is motivated by high ideals. This is a good mix, for you can easily share your vision with good humor and intelligence with your friends and with the company of well-educated groups and individuals.

Your Sagittarius lover may not be cuddly, but that's okay with you. You'll gladly allow your mate the room needed to follow his or her adventurous spirit, if in return he or she gives you the emotional distance you need to feel comfortable.

Ultimately, this is an exciting and active union that produces and inspires big ideas and innovative living. The two of you are highly compatible, and can go the distance with an emotionally satisfying union.

(via Astro Love)

2010-07-27T23:07:00.005+08:00

No matter how hard I try to be...

2010-07-27T22:56:00.005+08:00

It's the last day of classical.
and boy I'm glad that I will not touch on customer service and project management modules anymore.

I must say one thing I like about the classical is the CS module,
Just cause it reminds me of DPA days, somehow it's got to do something with what I was thought from there:)

Plus the tutor is awesomely hot.
to think that she's already a mother.
Oh, I love her hair.very silky and long!

I just hope that the classical result would be a good one,
even though I kinda screw things up for PM ICA 1.
Allah will help me with that.
I shall not loose faith!
-The one thing that my aunt thought me ever since she live in the same roof as us.
which I'm very grateful for...

2010-07-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

I need a break

Hectic Week

2010-07-22T18:44:00.005+08:00

This week was supposedly to be my school holiday.
However, I had to go to school every single day from morning up till the evening.
For whatever for?

Just cause we have only a week to complete two project which is due next week.
Everyone is practically giving up on the project, as we have to do multitasking!

Oh well, the project is almost finish. finalising the report and 2 powerpoint!
Presentation will be on this coming Monday and Tuesday,
which will be the days that I will have to wear formal attire! (troublesome!)

Anyhoos, I'm so proud of myself for passing the test only once!unlike the first test I took:)
This time around, I dint tell the loverboy and my dad. Just in case they would laugh at me, if I did fail it. Yeah, they are such mean boys!

It's easier said than done

U're my no 1 Special!!! (: teehee...

2010-07-21T08:37:00.001+08:00

Thank you...I wonder who you are? Are you one of my gals? :)

Ask me anything

2010-07-20T11:56:00.002+08:00

Everyone else is somebody's no 1.
and I'm not..

2010-07-19T18:03:00.003+08:00

Second thoughts sucks.
Just cause I gave it my all...

Either we amend what went wrong,
or we just forget the whole thing and move on.

hehe.. (: i know you love me!!

2010-07-17T11:34:00.001+08:00

whoever you are, I love you too. cause you pass by my blog:)

Ask me anything

BLACK & WHITE IS OUT IN AMERICA!!

2010-07-15T19:12:00.009+08:00

My top favourite band, The Maine, have already release their latest album on the 13th July. Listened to all of their songs, and I must agree with what John was trying to bring out for the song Colour!

If you guys had been following themainesgfans on twitter, you guys would probably find out about their live webcast for 24hours! The band members practically were awake for 24 hours. except for Garrett who slept right after the signing of their album, but he woke up just in time to cook breakfast for a very lucky fan!!! Well, I salute Pat for being able to stay up and try to entertain the viewers the whole time.

Of course I did catch them, but I only went to watch it for 15hours! that's after sleeping for about 6 hours. Went gaga over them all over again the minute I tried logging in ustream via the school connection. And for once the school connection was awesome! It didn't blocked ustream, and so I watch it in school and at home :)

Partly because of the live webcast, I didn't touch my notes for the test that I had earlier on today! Totally regretted not giving my all for this test, but what's done is done.I will leave it to Allah to help do well for this module.

“We didn’t set out to be pop, we didn’t set out to be rock n’ roll. All we wanted to do was be The Maine. I can’t say we have one sound because we don’t. This band just writes what they want to write. We’re not one sound. We are not one band. We are something else. We are The Maine, and we don’t see in black & white. We see in color. We see this life in color. We’re not like you. You’re not like us. Listen to this record and see what we see; feel what we feel.”

haha... pandai addawiyah!!! sayang adda!!!

2010-07-15T14:17:00.001+08:00

I love you juga:)

Ask me anything

bf so tembam!!!!

2010-07-12T20:49:00.001+08:00

I guess I know who you are:) My boyfriend must be tembam, at least we won't call as a skinny couple:D lols! ^^

Ask me anything

HARI RAYA CLOTHES DESIGN

2010-07-11T22:27:00.008+08:00

A picture taken a year ago!

After so long begging mom to quickly get over and done with this year Hari Raya's cloth,
we finally went over to Johor Bahru to get them tailored.

Well, I'm not going to say that I'm a kiasu Singaporean, because it's a fact that time is running out! Since almost every other tailor doesn't take in anymore!!!

Since, I liked the workmanship from the tailor I went to last year, decided to go there again. But then we called to check if they are taking in anymore, as predicted, they are not!! My facial expression from happy change to sad! My mom quickly assured me that we could find another tailor.(I was already giving up hope to find another tailor which is as good as her!)

And so we went down to Pasar Larkin Johor earlier on, a one stop place for most Singaporean to go down to get their clothes tailored! Search for a place that looked attracting and trustful enough!

My designs were already picked. I had searched online for the designs, and of course I got the other half to pick two of the nicest. He somehow liked my last year's design, he chose the one similar to it! ( It was the long blue tube dress, with a yellow lace acting as a long jacket)

the long jacket will be replace by a mini jacket!:D

The Second baju raya design:)

Upon taking the measurements, I had doubts about the colour choice that I made this year. kinda regret the black french lace to go along with the pink one. In my mind,"it's too eww". voice out my doubt too my mom and to the tailor.My brother had to say that I'm always acting this way whenever it comes to this kind of thing." Like hello, I don't wanna be fugly during raya!"

I may sound all so bitchy and bimbo here, But I'm that kind of girl who likes to dresses up when it comes to events or occasions.

Before I left, the last words I told the tailor was " I will trust you that it will turn out okay"

That's about it. So if you guys do plan to tailor made your baju raya this year, you better do it fast! Because time is running out. It's a month time to the fasting month and then raya! Excited sangat sangat sekali! Hopefully everything will turn out just great!
keeping fingers cross that I won't regret by choosing that colour or that design!

THE MAINE!!!

2010-07-10T13:03:00.017+08:00

They are a band from Phoenix AZ, US! Their genre of music are Indie, Pop and Alternative.

John 0'Callaghan, 21 Years old, is the sexxay vocalist!

Jared Monaco, 22 Years Old, plays the guitar!

Kennedy Brock, 21 years old, plays the guitar and at times becomes the vocalist!

Garrett Nickelsen, 20 years old, the emo kinda of guy, plays the bass!

Pat Krinch,20 years old, plays the drum!

They signed on with Fearless records back in 2008. But have since change their label to Action Theory/ Sire records.
Their first single, everything I ask for, from the album, Can't stop Won't stop,had played on radio 91.3 fm! that was only it... we never heard any of their other songs being played on air.or even so,never heard of them ever again....

After two years, their new album, Black and White, will be release on the 13th this month! Hell, their music is awesome!(there's just no exact words to describe it!)

and John is still sexy as always with his sexy voice! you can just melt when you hear his voice. I think the way he sound is way different compared to the other vocalist. He inspires many people with his actions and the lyrics he make.

Everyone in the band is as funny as they are. very original I must say. they don't try to be someone else...
That's about it.... I'm done here... just follow us on our twitter page to know more...

THE MAINE COME TO SINGAPORE MISSION

2010-07-10T12:23:00.016+08:00

Hey yo! I'm very excited with what I'm about to post!

Well, last thursday morning, I woke up early despite having no school that day!
Since I'm a twitter freak, read up on a post made by one of the band members that I love since 2008! i had post about them when I first out about them and This Century.

(click here)

So I quickly went to check out their live chat! It was my very first time! and boy was I overjoyed! but too bad, John wasn't there!

Then I was surprised that they announce about their concert in Indonesia this coming september! Told Sharifah about it, then we decided to form a twitter page to attract their attention! trying our luck to see if they could come over here! Because somehow we regretted to create a website or a form of communication to spread the word about Jonas Brothers.
So we are going to do it for The Maine instead. It might be the only the way for them to find out that they actually have fans over here in Singapore! It may also be a crazy idea, but we are not going to bring our hopes down... We believe a miracle could always happen you see:D

I will introduce to you guys about them in another post oky?! watch out!!!

Meanwhile, go check out our twitter page and start following us! we will try to update as often as we can about their works and etc. Of course please spread the word to your friends about us! Thank you very much!!!
(click here)

❝ That’s the thing, it’s not just about not giving up, you have to believe in yourself. You have to honestly think that you deserve it. People are always going to have opinions, it’s up to you whether or not you’ll let their criticism get to you. It’s not easy, but nothing that lasts ever is. Besides, in the end, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made it. And that you did it honestly. That’s the payoff in the end. Knowing you’re where you are because you didn’t give up. ❞
- John O’Callaghan

2010-07-08T17:21:00.002+08:00

Let go of your ego, and let me be the one who help you out...

a random note to one of my favourite girl

2010-07-07T23:55:00.005+08:00

Hey girl! surprise that I'm blogging about you?
well, it's been a year since we know one another.
I remember coming up to you (FIRST!) during orientation day for SBM!
thank god you socialize well :D

You know you have me to confide too besides your boyfriend and your old mates:D
I'm glad that I'm able to be your listening ear.
And hell, I know I can be such a nag and always being paranoid.
But for sure, you know I'm just being true to myself and to you.
Since you can bare with me for a year, why not bear with me for the rest of the years to come?

Oh well, please do take care of yourself ok? hugs from me. I shall give it to you on Friday!
so anticipate my hug when you meet me:)

2010-07-07T13:38:00.002+08:00

Let's just forget about the problem...
everyone would probably have to face it once in awhile.

well mine, my dad just can't seem to let go of me just yet.
that's what I assume.
After confiding the problem to the other half, I guess I should probably be the good daughter.
which means listen to the daddy and not try to be rebellious.

I guess he just can't seem to let go of his only daughter who have yet to mature:D

Oh well, that's solve.

The Customer Service ICA 1 test was today. I don't think that I did put in an effort to memorise the notes. But having to finish it and answering all of the questions just made me hope to score for it:D keeping finger cross for that.

Oh if I'm in a mood later on, I might as well talk to you about a make up product that I use:D
stay tuned all right...

2010-07-05T21:15:00.002+08:00

everyone around me are going through a rough time
that's inclusive of me.

there's not much to elaborate, since I will keep the problem private.

With that, I pray that everything goes well pretty soon.

me.you.us.them.everyone.

MARINA SWAY!

2010-07-03T10:51:00.007+08:00

After much of planning to go to Marina Bay Sand since last weekend,
My two relatives and I decided take a trip down there yesterday.
Eventhough the weather wasn't with us!

Since mom used the car, we had to take the public transport to go there.

Took the MRT instead of the bus, since we thought there will be shuttle bus,
just like there is for a trip down to Marina Barrage! but there wasn't!
So we decided to follow the Caucasian man. Walked as fast as he did.
First reason why we followed him: Well, it was scary to walk along the construction site with so many foreign contractors looking at us.
Second reason why we followed him: thought he probably knows the way there!:D
Throughout the whole time walking, we were panting already but he wasn't.
It shows that three of us wasn't fit at all!

The minute we reach our destination, we looked around for places to shop!
It was their day to shop for Hari Raya Heels! ( well, don't call us kiasu, we are just taking the advantage of the sales, a good way to save!)

It turns out that Pedro have great heels, makes me fall head over heels! I controlled myself this time around! Just cause I'm planning to get a jeans from Mango!( and my budget for the next 2 weeks was tight, since I only worked for 3 days equals to less salary given!)

My aunt was being murah hati! ( somehow I forget the English term for it!) She bought me Clarks sandals which I thought was super expensive for a sandal to cost that amount! She insisted for me to get it, since I told her I like that! Of course I was happy but then after trying it again at home, feels that it is big on me! ( Shall wait for love to comment about it, it is always him that help me to make a choice! )

All in all, the place was great! Similar to Mice Wonderland in KL! A new place whereby Singaporeans should check it out! Oh I guess it will be one of the places where it will be crowded during National Day- whereby people can catch the fireworks there!

2010-07-01T22:19:00.009+08:00

Whoa ooh!
The number of readers for my blog has drastically increase overnight!
Didn't expect people to be actually be interested to what I have got to say.
Thanks for reading my point of view experiencing the makeover! (mind my grammar, alright?)

Oh well, I guess the number of readers would slowly not increase anymore!
hehes. Because this makeover fever won't last that long.
and also cause I dont have any interesting stories to share.

But if there's actually people who reads and often visits my blog, I will make an effort to make it interesting alright? By sharing news and stuff that I like:)

I'm loving my classical class time table:D
I have to attend to class for three days only!
which means that I have four days of my own free time

But I just can't celebrate! I have already heard rumours that the modules are very hard to score.
Since there's so many ICAs within the few weeks of my time in classical!
which means I have to study extra hard and smart to score well!
I just can't stand to see my GPA to be as low as my Year 1's GPA! (very embarrassed by it!)

Forget about my school schedule!
Let's talk about movies!
The movie where every vampire lovers have been talking and anticipating about!

ECLIPSE!

Sypnosis: Bella (Kirsten Stewart) once again finds herself encircled with danger as Seattle is ravaged by a sequence of mystifying killings and a spiteful vampire who continues her quest for revenge. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and her friendship with Jacob (Taylor Lautner) as the struggle between vampires and werewolves continues. Other than that, there is still another choice for Bella to make, mortality or immortality? !

Exciting much? Make sure to read the book before watching the movie! Well because the book is usually much better than the movie.I, myself have read the all four books and preferred the book! But some people prefer movies to books. Oh well, it's up to all of you to judge since we all have our own opinion!

STUDIOFROST MAKEOVER

2010-06-30T14:57:00.009+08:00

It was just an ordinary night whereby I was browsing through the internet while doing my work.
I came upon a twitter post. " Want a free makeover? email us..."
Since I have always been interested to do modeling( but had no idea where to start from),
I was like why not try entering the makeover, and see how things goes?

Boy, was I overjoyed upon receiving her sms that very night to come for the makeover the very next day, which happened yesterday afternoon.

I was amongst the other 20 contestant who applied for the free makeover.
Thanks to Sharleez, I was chosen to be Kak Diah's, who by the way runs studiofrost and is a professional make-up artist, first makeover.

The moment before I entered the lift to meet her, I became nervous. Lots of questions came into my mind. " What am I expected to do?" "Will everything be ok?" Because this whole thing is so new to me...

But then everything went well. The first time I met Kak Diah, she smiled at me. Of course I was like whoa she's pretty gorgeous! She was very sociable the whole time when she was applying the make-up on me.

After the make-up was done, it was time to take photos of me. By that time, we have already broken the ice! So I was being myself, being bubbly! (nomore being awkward!) Being a model, isn't an easy job i must say! Learn that from the makeover photoshoot! For the first time i became camera shy, dint know what to pose and everything. But thank god, Kak Diah had the confidence in me by helping me out and also telling me that I can actually do it.

The pictures turned out great (look's whose the photographer!) . and I'm loving it. I look more "ber-isi" rather than being skinny. hehe.I was well very happy that I get to go through the whole experience, step nak jadi model for a day, also jadi la ye! :D

Once again, I would like to thank Kak Diah for giving me the opportunity and of course guiding me throughout the whole photoshoot. Thanks to Sharleez, may you become a beautiful lady just like your mummy! Thanks to Studioperfect Weddings, May you have many many clients in the running future!

My Top Favourite

They dint disappoint me with the outcome.
The obvious is from the photos above
So why not visit their website, checkout what they have over there?
just by clicking here!
They do makeovers for wedding, family, bestfriends or individual!
They also have apparels. Be it for your mom, yourself or even your baby sister!

pictures taken from kak diah's website

53 is just the beginning

2010-06-26T13:26:00.003+08:00

so she's the lady of the night!
she helped me open up my eyes on some stuff:D

yes, i do have that kind of relationship with my cousin.
sleeping and living with one another makes us closer

It's my aunt's birthday today!
since her family is living with me, we are all celebrating it together!

We went to Johor Bahru last night with the intention to eat great seafood!
however, the place we ate disappoint our expectation.
should have stick to our normal seafood place.
The chilli crab turns out to be sambal crab!
but overall the food made our empty stomach full! so that was a thumbs up!

headed on to City Square for a midnight movie; Knight and Day!
my aunt laugh alot! at first we thought she wouldn't like English movies.
she proved us wrong:D
a round of prata after the movie.by that time it was already 3am! hehes.
eventually on our journey back home everyone fell asleep:D

2010-06-24T13:30:00.004+08:00

They are like my second family. I pretty much have a very close relationship with this family. Forget the fact that we are related. The only daughter of the family is like my sister. And boy would she pay for me whenever I fell sick.Well the 2nd boy from the family would like to irritate me. just like he does with the rest of his family members.They never fail to make me feel like a family whenever I'm with them:)

The reason I'm uploading pictures of them?
Well, it's cause the maam from the family celebrates her birthday today.She would normally help me get to the doctor at a faster pace whenever i went to the polyclinic.She would always look out for me. Never fail to ask me how I was doing whenever I meet her family.

My Sms: Happy Birthday Cik Nor! Semoga you stay healthy and happy selalu. Oh, please don't worry too much..Thanks for always being there for me. Love you makcik!
Her reply: Thx u. Always2 pray for cik nor oky!
My reply: Will do:)

2010-06-24T12:53:00.005+08:00

Eversince the start of holidays, I have started watching Korean Dramas all over again.
There was a time back then whereby i was so addicted with K dramas, that i did burn the midnight oil just to complete the whole drama series. That was how addicted I am back then.

Click to play the video:)It won't disappoint you...

2010-06-23T15:25:00.004+08:00

It's been a month or so since i was employed.
I don't like the job that I'm in.
I have been tolerating it.
Just cause I want money.
can anyone find me a better job?
perhaps in the retail or some boutique shop?

I don't like office job.It's boring!

I will have to endure this till I'm fired.
The job regulations is getting stricter.
so if i don't follow the qouta, he might as well fire me.

We don't like it when there's awkward silence. We don't like it when you give other girls more attention. But we do like it when you hold us, and don't let go. We like it when you give us your full attention. We like it when you constantly talk about things. & we love it, when you tell us and show us that you truly love us.

2010-06-21T23:21:00.004+08:00

My blog will not get any dustier.
I guess i will be blogging throughout this week, since the holidays are here.

Watched two movies last week.
all of which was actually suppose to watch karate kid.
but then the both days i went down to the cinema,
the movie was fully booked at the timeslot that I wanted to watch.

First attempt was when I went there to book tickets for Marissa and I.
We did some catch up after a long time not meeting one another.
reminiscing what we went through during our secondary school days.
So instead we watched She's Out of the Leaque.
rated 8/10 for that movie.

Second attempt was with love.
we finally went out on a proper date.(due to our school schedule!)
and boy i like that feeling where you finally get to spend time with your partner.
So we watched Toy Story 3 together.in 3d! and of course i was excited. since it was the first 3D movie i ever watched.* there,go ahead, laugh at me, right now!* cause that's exactly what loverboy did to me.after 18 months we have been together, it was the first time we both went to Dhouby Gaut together.you see we just don't like to go places which is too crowded.

Deep Thoughts

2010-06-14T09:49:00.001+08:00

Holding onto what's left of everything.

LONG POST!

2010-06-12T09:59:00.001+08:00

Things have made me feel so down these days.
that explains my previous emo posts and qoutes taken from various websites I came across.

remember our movie dates, every week?
remember our time at the park just looking at the scenery?
remember our lunch date and long bus ride home?
remember late night conversation?
you trying to sing out the song that I like?
boy, i remember those times.
and whenever i do, it makes me miss you even more!

I miss spending time with the loverboy. right now, he's getting darker! there's a new nickname i like to call him!:D oh well, i have been hard on him lately. Just cause I have my own free time, i demand his time for me. looking back, i have been super selfish and of course makes me feel bad and such an asshole!

I seriously can't wait for this semester to be over. Then we will go back to having tutorials and lectures. Then I could at least have some time for love and he will have the time for me too.

I shall just keep in mind the words you told me before. Hope that will keep me going throughout this whole drama where we can't have time for another.

Be patient Adda, once everything over, you will be a much more happier girl.

The part-time stopover will be over soon. In a week's time till the holiday. No, I'm not glad that it will be over. It means that we will have to go for Classical, which I heard it's a very tough stopover where anyone could ever imagine. God, I just hope that things will go smoothly for me.
Thankfully, the same group of people will be with me for the next stopover. Imagine making friends and being close with them for the whole of 18 weeks, and be separated because we are all going to our own full-shift attachment? It's sad isnt it (eventough I have said earlier that I can't wait for all of this to be over!). That's one of the many suckiest thing for this TEP.

Hi Love!

2010-06-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

You’re a true friend, that I want you to know, Our love for each other has helped us to grow. We’ve been through some tough times, but we’ve made it through, The only one I ever trusted was you. You helped me through anger, you’ve chased away fears. You held me through sadness, and kissed away tears. You stayed by my side when the world turned away. You helped me see joy when the skies were all gray. You were the rainbow at the end of the storm. You help me be different when I shouldn’t conform. You held my hand when you knew we would fall. Every heartache, you saw me through it all. I’m not sure I’m always the best friend to you, I know I’m not perfect, but this much is true. When life gets you down, And there’s nowhere to turn, I’ll help you through and I’ll share your concern. I’ll try my best to return every favor, When you’re sure that you’ll drown, then I’ll be your lifesaver; Even if we both go down. Whether we sink or swim doesn’t matter at all, Just know that I’ll be there whenever you call. I’ll pull you out when life pulls you under. I’ll be the sun when there’s lightning and thunder. And when it’s all over, And we’ve fought every war, There’s one thing I promise, Of this I am sure, When the time comes that we’re put to our rest. Be sure that you know that, My friend, you’re the best. And if there is Heaven, then I know you’ll be there, That if you die first then you’ll hear every prayer. And soon I’ll join you, but just know until then. That I’ll miss you each day ‘til I see you again. At the end of the tunnel, you’ll be my guiding light, You’ll lead me to heaven, away from the night. We’ll be there together, and we’ll never grow old. And we’ll walk hand in hand On the streets paved of gold.
(via fuckyeahtears)

2010-06-10T22:22:00.006+08:00

People who hang around with me these days would realized that something have change.
My emotions.
and hell, it fucking hurts to know that you are loosing your ownself.

I couldn't hide it.
and I'm thankful the friend came in time for me to confide to.
it didn't change much, but at least I let it out of me.
because i just needed someone to listen to what I have got to say.

“There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, and their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you and you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion. Every time your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible. It’s still there, but no ones knows. Like a love letter you didn’t slow. And you’re hurting no one but yourself.”

(via raindropsonredroses)

[HD] Pixie Lott - Cry Me Out - Summertime Ball (6th June 2010)

2010-06-10T16:13:00.001+08:00

"If you look inside a girl, you will see how much she really cries, you would find so many secrets and lots of lies but what you will see the most is how hard it is to stay strong, when nothing is right and everything is wrong"
(via farhana x0-x0)

STAR

2010-06-08T11:42:00.000+08:00

her name was star. it was a stupid name for a stupid, silly girl. he was pretty sure her parents named her when they were high, because it was not a secret that they relied on drugs to take them away. she was mysterious and confusing, and often she’d say things that convinced him that everything they had was just a game. she spoke quietly and laughed loud, and had a tattoo of a star behind her ear, predictably. she was beautiful, in that kind of delicate way. she had cornsilk hair and huge green eyes that turned blue when she cried.

he’d only seen her cry once, when he walked up into her room like he always did. she was curled in a ball, and at first he thought she was sleeping. but he heard her sniffling, and as she rolled over, he caught a glimpse of her now shockingly blue eyes before she pressed her face against his chest.

he couldn’t find the words to ask her what was wrong without making her more upset, and she didn’t offer any explanation. so he held her as she cried and kept holding her until she had succumbed to the call of sleep. and while she was sleeping, he traced patterns into the soft skin of her back and looked out her window. it seemed fitting that he’d wish upon a star, so he closed his eyes and wished to stay with her like this forever.

the morning came and when he opened his eyes, she was gone. he wandered through her house, maneuvering through the piles of books stacked on the ground and the towers of empty coffee cups. he found her outside, sitting daintily on a swing, her sparkly purple painted toes dragging across the ground.

“so last night…” he trailed off like he usually did, once again unable to think of the right thing to say.

she looked at him, her eyes green once more. the corners of her mouth turned up, almost as if she was smiling but not really.

“i just love you.” she said quietly, placing a kiss on his cheek.

he stood there for a second. it was the first time she’d ever said that, and he couldn’t believe it. star, who was always mysterious and unattached, had said the words he’d been to scared to say.

“i love you too.” he said, just as quietly. they looked at each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time until finally she let out a giggle. their lips pressed together and she weaved her fingers through his.

she was emotional and impulsive, and he stayed with her through all of it. even when she was so high she couldn’t stand up or form coherent sentences, or when she wouldn’t call for days at a time only to finally call him at 3 in the morning, or when she would purposely look at him while laughing with another guy, her hand resting on their arm. he never said a word.

it was a tuesday night. he had fallen asleep on his math textbook, pencil still in hand. the window was open, and he wasn’t exactly sure how she did it, but he woke up to the sound of her feet kicking against the space below his window. she perched on his window sill, dressed in a cotton summer dress even though it was almost october.

“what time is it?” he asked, confused as to why his girlfriend was sitting in his window in the middle of the night.

she ignored his question, like she always did and just looked at him. he was used to this, there were instances where he would find her staring at him, a contemplative look on her face.

“i don’t know if i can do this anymore.” she said, motioning with her hands.

there was silence. his breath slowed as he looked at her. she was staring at the ground, legs crossed at the heels and hands slightly shaking. her constant composure was failing, he realized. but so was his. there was no time to pretend anymore, to seal emotions between closed lips, to ignore the loaded glances they often exchanged.

“do… what?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

her blonde hair had fallen in front of her face, so he never got to see her cry for the second time. “we’re not right for each other. we both know it.” her gaze stayed on the ground as she spoke, her voice trembling. “you don’t look at me the way you used to. and we talk without saying anything and i just can’t do it. i can’t.”

“i just don’t know what to say.” he said desperately, panic seeping into his voice.

“thats the thing! we should have everything to say to each other. you’re supposed to love me! we were supposed to be forever!” she said, the voice becoming more hysteric with each word.

once again, the silence that filled the room was deafening.

“we still can be forever.” he said, looking at her. but he knew it was too late. once star made up her mind, it could not be changed. she was stubborn, an unchangeable whirlwind of a girl.

all she did was shake her head, before stumbling over to him. she pressed a kiss on his cheek and slipped out the window just as quietly as she had come in. he didn’t know she had been crying until he felt the tears she had left on his face when she kissed him.

he sat there for a long time, looking at everything and seeing nothing. his fingers traced stars on his knee and suddenly, he was off his feet. the door slammed behind him as he sprinted out of his house, running toward the familiar brick house.

he found himself standing below her window. his general plan had been to climb into her room, like she had, but there was nothing for him to climb up. but her window was open, and even though the lights were off, he knew she was awake.

“star.” he started, calling up to her window. there was no response. “star. come on.” he called loudly, waiting a moment. “star, you can’t just do this to me. i didn’t do anything wrong.” he waited. “you can’t just decide to end it, like its up to you. i was part of this too.” still he heard nothing. he was starting to grow angry, she always did this. shut him off like he meant nothing to her, and maybe he didn’t but she meant everything to him. didn’t that count for something. “you lead you’re whole fucking life behind a wall. you know it. you shut me off like you shut off all the rest but i’m not your parents or your friends, you love me, remember? if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have said it. we could have been forever if you had just let me. fuck star, i wanted to give you everything and tell you all the things you wanted to hear, but you never let me.” he paused, chest heaving, breaths heavy.

the curtains ruffled and he knew she was there, sitting in the darkness. “you can’t keep pushing people away. you pretend like you’re this bright light that everyone loves but no one can get close to without getting burned, but you’re going to burn out. you’re going to run out of those cryptic comments and all that mindless shit that people think is you being witty and charming. i don’t want charming!” he was yelling now, all traces of calm gone. “fuck you star. just fuck you. you don’t want me, great, i don’t want you either.” lies. he couldn’t tell her that she had torn him apart and taken away the only light in his life, in only one night.

the window slammed shut and then once again, it was silent.

as he was walking home, he looked to the night sky. he spotted a shooting star, and a laugh escaped from his lips at the irony of it. he did not wish upon it, because he now understood the fickleness of shooting stars. they are beautiful flashes of light that catch your eye that make you stop and stare in wonder. they are burning balls of brilliance that illuminate the sky, and in a second, they are gone. and all that is left is darkness.

(by lafilledepapier)

2010-06-08T08:35:00.003+08:00

And so I'm stuck in my packed "office", doing nothing but just stone at the laptop screen.

whenever I'm not doing that, I will be busy drawing on the board.

hell, there's not much things to do.

to think I have to go through this for 9 WEEKS!

2010-06-08T08:35:00.002+08:00

And so I'm stuck in my packed "office", doing nothing but just stone at the laptop screen.

whenever I'm not doing that, I will be busy drawing on the board.

hell, there's not much things to do.

to think I have to go through this for 9 WEEKS!

2010-06-08T08:35:00.001+08:00

You just assume that everything is okay.
look into my eyes, and I bet you can see the sadness in my eyes.

2010-06-07T20:23:00.003+08:00

the movie was awesome.
unlike the comments given by the lazy ass's brother.
we finally went out together after what?
3 years not meeting? like you said, we dint even talk to one another back then.
perhaps, the school brought us to be friends.
one good thing that comes from NYP:D

oh well, walked around town with my wedges.
of course i regretted wearing that to walk!
my feet hurts alot. there you go, i'm complaining!
girls, it's a bad idea to walk from one end of the town to the other.
Eventhough it looks great on you, but it sure does kill your feet after that!

overall, i did had fun! after a one long weekend, being stuck at home.
because of my low body immune system!

next week, karate kid!

the girl that I have my eyes on

2010-06-05T21:29:00.004+08:00

I just love her hair and her style!
You just got to see her wardrobe...

Alexa Chung is a British model and presenter, who is also a contributing editor to British Vogue.

Born November 5, 1983, Chung grew up in Privett, Hampshire, raised by her English mother and Chinese-English father, a graphic designer.
When she was 16, Chung was scouted as a model and, despite having been accepted by King's College London to read English and by Chelsea College of Art and Design to do an art foundation course, she signed with Storm.
After four years - and campaigns for brands including Fanta, Sony Ericsson, Sunsilk and Tampax - Chung quit modelling with the intention of attending university.
Instead, in 2006, Chung began her presenting career at Channel 4, appearing in shows including Popworld, Vanity Lair, Big Brother's Big Mouth, 8 out of 10 Cats, Gok's Fashion Fix and Frock Me - as well as co-hosting numerous T4 film and music specials.
In July 2007, Chung began dating Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner. In August 2008, she starred in the video for My Mistakes Were Made For You, a song by Turner's other band The Last Shadow Puppets.
In 2008, now a recognisable face, Chung returned to modelling, fronting campaigns for Antipodium and Oxfam Revamped. In 2009 she became the face of New Look and DKNY Jeans - and in 2010 fronted the Pepe Jeans London campaign.
In April 2009, Chung moved to the US to present It's On with Alexa Chung for MTV. The live show featured celebrity interviews and live music, but was cancelled in December 2009.
In January 2009, British brand Mulberry released its Alexa bag, frequently sported by stars including Olivia Palermo and Chung herself, and it became an instant sell-out. The satchel-style bag was reordered in a range of fabrications and colours and Mulberry credited it with a positive year's trading.
Having written for the Independent from November 2008 to June 2009, Chung was made a contributing editor of British Vogue in June 2009.
In February 2010, she appeared on the magazine's cover for the first time and during the same month, whilst the March issue was on sale, documented her daily fashion and style choices in the VOGUE.COM feature Today I'm Wearing.

(via Vogue UK)

2010-06-05T09:18:00.002+08:00

Woke up early today.
Feeling like a pig, since i slept the whole afternoon yesterday,
and sleep again right after having dinner.
Maybe it's because of the medication that I'm taking,
causing me to be so drowsy.

As you all can see, the blogskin have been changed.
*omg! it's pink!*
I'm not a total fan of pink! but the skin it's simple and sweet.
To hell, with whatever comments you guys have.
I just like the layout:)

The loverboy is falling sick.
that is sad! because he will be busy with his events.
and the sickness might bring him down.
hmm! baby, i hope you are strong to go through everything this weekend!

As for me?
I will be the homey girl this weekend.
got to finish up my 2 reports and 1 excel project.

with that,
goodbye!

LOVE

2010-06-03T21:41:00.007+08:00

What happen today made me open up eyes.
how scary it is, with people do behind each others back.

All I'm left to think is that I trust you.
and you trust me.
with whatever actions we do,
as long as we both have each others heart in our mind,
everything will be oky.

cause eventually we both know that we love one another.
and for that, I thank toy and I love you even more
for having lots of faith and trust in me.

Rizzaun, aku sayang kamu.

(via aflameinyourheart)

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I'm not the best person to fall in love with. I get jealous easily, I have a lot of insecurities, I overanalyze, I push you to the edge, I get hurt when I'm not supposed to, I always put up unecessary fights.. But regardless of that, you have to know you still have reasons to hold on. You must know that you are cherished, treasured, and always thought of every minute of everyday. That you are the most important person to someone who may not be that special, but you thought otherwise. I may not be the best, but I will make up for it by loving you more than anyone can and ever will. Thank you for staying.

2010-06-02T19:48:00.001+08:00

“So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. you do the things you used to be against, you date the people you thought you never would, and you befriend the people you used to hate. You’ll learn what it’s like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times that your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like it’s not real. despite all this, good things will come too. You’ll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn’t. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you’ve ever met and just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be the days you are so happy and the days that you feel like dying. drama happens, gossip goes around and people talk shit. Maybe this is just the teenage years, maybe it’s life, or maybe this is just what growing up is.”

(via raindropsonredroses)

Keyshia Cole - Trust ft. Monica

2010-06-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

2010-06-01T17:22:00.003+08:00

The sick bug is around!
I hate being sick.

I feel so terrible.
Fell asleep while the video was showed to us earlier on and been coughing in class.

I thank god I have a very understanding Boss at work.
have been skipping work for 3 times now.
and he's okay with it.

For now, I'm stuck at home.
with the lappie infront of me to finish up on the two reports that are incomplete.

Oh take care of yourselves people.
Because the sick season is here!
Drink lots of plain water:D

“She’s a disaster. She loses faith in herself every day. Her life is a mess and she doesn’t even care. No one understands her. And people say stuff to put her down and no one even notices that she might be breaking inside.”

(via raindropsonredroses)

2010-05-31T12:13:00.000+08:00

Five Minutes - Sumpah Mati

2010-05-30T17:16:00.000+08:00

2010-05-30T15:21:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you just got to show them, who deals with your own life.

It's you.
not them.
so they can just go fuck around and screw themselves.

2010-05-29T17:56:00.001+08:00

I'm laughing at the video below!

2010-05-29T08:46:00.003+08:00

It was back in 2008 or perhaps in 2007,
I don't quite remember when we actually first met.
But for sure, the place where we met is still clear in my mind.

We were both instructors for a particular course.
It was his first day there.
He took control over everything o so quickly.
A great speaker whenever presenting it to the people who were attending the course.

It was not till September 2008 that my feelings for him starts to appear.
He felt the same way too, but since we were both taking our O levels, we decided not to be attach
till the time is perfect.

On his birthday, we were just having our normal date.
But this time around i wanted to see the Christmas lights.As i was so engrossed seeing the lights,
he whispered in my ears, asking me to be his girl.caught me off guard -since I dint expect to be his birthday present. Of course i accepted to be his. and he, be mine. He gave me a book as a gift to be his. I felt bad after that cause i dint get him any for his birthday.

So that's how everything started. It has been 18 months now.
i won't deny that there was ups & downs. especially when it comes to my insecurities and his mistakes. But i have been trying to understand and learn more about him as the days goes by.
and hell i have learn alot so far.

Quotation taken from the sex and the city 2 which we watched together " It's not about the time of being away from your partner, but it's about how wonderful it is to be with them after such a long time"- that boyfriend pointed out to me; since i'm always seeking attention from his busy schedule.

of course there was a quotation for him too" there can't be any secrets in our relationship. we just don't do that, cause everything will be messed up if there are."

So anak zamhasbi, I love you more as the days passes by.
You shock me with every actions that you do.

2010-05-27T10:14:00.008+08:00

Since we both started off at the wrong foot.
I would like to get to know you better.
because you are my boyfriend's bestfriend.
and part of me hates it when i made a bad impression of myself towards someone
blame it on him for being late, that day.heh!

We can all go out and have double dates together sometime...

2010-05-25T16:29:00.002+08:00

I just can't do these anymore
trying to solve what was over long ago...

If you don't stop,
I will just have the boyfriend to come after you.
Or perhaps my dad?
How does that sound?

Meeting up was a good idea,
at least i could get things straight.
with your expression, i hope you would just leave..
stop begging, you sound like a desperate boy.
I'm glad to say i have a life right now.

A life with my boyfriend.
and you may say that we may not last.
but hey, I'm doing this as the days goes by.
no matter how me and boyfriend does in the future,
it is none of your problem.
Because to me,
you are no friend to talk to.

we never did had any serious thing going on back then,
why ask for it now?
For that,
goodbye stranger.

2010-05-24T20:13:00.006+08:00

My old-self is slowly creeping out of me.
hell, i hate it when i start being this way.

I have to start putting it up all over again,
before everything goes overboard...
Meanwhile, please just tolerate it with me.

STAR

2010-05-21T11:42:00.003+08:00

her name was star. it was a stupid name for a stupid, silly girl. he was pretty sure her parents named her when they were high, because it was not a secret that they relied on drugs to take them away. she was mysterious and confusing, and often she’d say things that convinced him that everything they had was just a game. she spoke quietly and laughed loud, and had a tattoo of a star behind her ear, predictably. she was beautiful, in that kind of delicate way. she had cornsilk hair and huge green eyes that turned blue when she cried.

he’d only seen her cry once, when he walked up into her room like he always did. she was curled in a ball, and at first he thought she was sleeping. but he heard her sniffling, and as she rolled over, he caught a glimpse of her now shockingly blue eyes before she pressed her face against his chest.

he couldn’t find the words to ask her what was wrong without making her more upset, and she didn’t offer any explanation. so he held her as she cried and kept holding her until she had succumbed to the call of sleep. and while she was sleeping, he traced patterns into the soft skin of her back and looked out her window. it seemed fitting that he’d wish upon a star, so he closed his eyes and wished to stay with her like this forever.

the morning came and when he opened his eyes, she was gone. he wandered through her house, maneuvering through the piles of books stacked on the ground and the towers of empty coffee cups. he found her outside, sitting daintily on a swing, her sparkly purple painted toes dragging across the ground.

“so last night…” he trailed off like he usually did, once again unable to think of the right thing to say.

she looked at him, her eyes green once more. the corners of her mouth turned up, almost as if she was smiling but not really.

“i just love you.” she said quietly, placing a kiss on his cheek.

he stood there for a second. it was the first time she’d ever said that, and he couldn’t believe it. star, who was always mysterious and unattached, had said the words he’d been to scared to say.

“i love you too.” he said, just as quietly. they looked at each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time until finally she let out a giggle. their lips pressed together and she weaved her fingers through his.

she was emotional and impulsive, and he stayed with her through all of it. even when she was so high she couldn’t stand up or form coherent sentences, or when she wouldn’t call for days at a time only to finally call him at 3 in the morning, or when she would purposely look at him while laughing with another guy, her hand resting on their arm. he never said a word.

it was a tuesday night. he had fallen asleep on his math textbook, pencil still in hand. the window was open, and he wasn’t exactly sure how she did it, but he woke up to the sound of her feet kicking against the space below his window. she perched on his window sill, dressed in a cotton summer dress even though it was almost october.

“what time is it?” he asked, confused as to why his girlfriend was sitting in his window in the middle of the night.

she ignored his question, like she always did and just looked at him. he was used to this, there were instances where he would find her staring at him, a contemplative look on her face.

“i don’t know if i can do this anymore.” she said, motioning with her hands.

there was silence. his breath slowed as he looked at her. she was staring at the ground, legs crossed at the heels and hands slightly shaking. her constant composure was failing, he realized. but so was his. there was no time to pretend anymore, to seal emotions between closed lips, to ignore the loaded glances they often exchanged.

“do… what?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

her blonde hair had fallen in front of her face, so he never got to see her cry for the second time. “we’re not right for each other. we both know it.” her gaze stayed on the ground as she spoke, her voice trembling. “you don’t look at me the way you used to. and we talk without saying anything and i just can’t do it. i can’t.”

“i just don’t know what to say.” he said desperately, panic seeping into his voice.

“thats the thing! we should have everything to say to each other. you’re supposed to love me! we were supposed to be forever!” she said, the voice becoming more hysteric with each word.

once again, the silence that filled the room was deafening.

“we still can be forever.” he said, looking at her. but he knew it was too late. once star made up her mind, it could not be changed. she was stubborn, an unchangeable whirlwind of a girl.

all she did was shake her head, before stumbling over to him. she pressed a kiss on his cheek and slipped out the window just as quietly as she had come in. he didn’t know she had been crying until he felt the tears she had left on his face when she kissed him.

he sat there for a long time, looking at everything and seeing nothing. his fingers traced stars on his knee and suddenly, he was off his feet. the door slammed behind him as he sprinted out of his house, running toward the familiar brick house.

he found himself standing below her window. his general plan had been to climb into her room, like she had, but there was nothing for him to climb up. but her window was open, and even though the lights were off, he knew she was awake.

“star.” he started, calling up to her window. there was no response. “star. come on.” he called loudly, waiting a moment. “star, you can’t just do this to me. i didn’t do anything wrong.” he waited. “you can’t just decide to end it, like its up to you. i was part of this too.” still he heard nothing. he was starting to grow angry, she always did this. shut him off like he meant nothing to her, and maybe he didn’t but she meant everything to him. didn’t that count for something. “you lead you’re whole fucking life behind a wall. you know it. you shut me off like you shut off all the rest but i’m not your parents or your friends, you love me, remember? if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have said it. we could have been forever if you had just let me. fuck star, i wanted to give you everything and tell you all the things you wanted to hear, but you never let me.” he paused, chest heaving, breaths heavy.

the curtains ruffled and he knew she was there, sitting in the darkness. “you can’t keep pushing people away. you pretend like you’re this bright light that everyone loves but no one can get close to without getting burned, but you’re going to burn out. you’re going to run out of those cryptic comments and all that mindless shit that people think is you being witty and charming. i don’t want charming!” he was yelling now, all traces of calm gone. “fuck you star. just fuck you. you don’t want me, great, i don’t want you either.” lies. he couldn’t tell her that she had torn him apart and taken away the only light in his life, in only one night.

the window slammed shut and then once again, it was silent.

as he was walking home, he looked to the night sky. he spotted a shooting star, and a laugh escaped from his lips at the irony of it. he did not wish upon it, because he now understood the fickleness of shooting stars. they are beautiful flashes of light that catch your eye that make you stop and stare in wonder. they are burning balls of brilliance that illuminate the sky, and in a second, they are gone. and all that is left is darkness.

via lafilledepapier

2010-05-21T11:42:00.002+08:00

Love life. Love the people in your life. Live how you want. Never give up on your dreams, they are all you got.
- Garrett Nickelsen

2010-05-17T11:49:00.000+08:00

This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and
no happiness whatsoever. You don’t want to laugh, because you know it’s not
going to help, but you don’t want to cry, because it will just make you feel
worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you
know soon your life is going to feel like it’s falling apart too. You don’t
think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels
impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you
so much, then why do you still love them. That’s the confusing part, you don’t
know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the
ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of
relief, like you’re getting happy again, but you know inside that you’re just
going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you’re back to where you were an
empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just
stopped showing it. And you can’t help but to show it again. It leaves deep
scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel,
and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn’t happened to
them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don’t know the
true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically
you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and
suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you’ve had enough,
the tears just instantly start flowing, and you’re to the point where you don’t
care who see’s. Because you’ve spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so
many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of
all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it’s not going to bring
them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million
tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going.
Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to
hold back. Everyone says, “It will be okay…” But you know it won’t. And that’s
the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and
you realize that people are horrible. You’re still hurt, but you’ve learned to
hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this
person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart
yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don’t
hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all
of this.

(via poeticheartache)

2010-05-16T20:03:00.007+08:00

It's been WHEN, since I last did a proper update?
I guess life has been too busy. hence the very short update for the previous post.

Remember the time when i said that I'm looking for a job?
oh well, now I'm officially employed.*clap clap!*
Me and Nuradilah Ali Rahman had been going for various job interviews.
and both of us are currently working at Walton International.
Sounds serious right? Well, I'm working as a telemarketer.
My first job for my life:D heh! Hopefully everything goes well.

Projects are due like in two weeks time.
My group members plan to finish early this coming week.
Which means not only am i going to be busy with work, i will be busy with school project too.
On a side note daddy told me via the phone that i have to quit the job once he sees me coming home looking VERY TIRED!
Hopefully i can balance everything together and of course be responsible with the salary given to me.

Apparently being busy doesn't stop me from eating.
and hell, i put on weight.
but the amount of food is not reflected on my body.
Instead it's reflected at my thighs.
I have to start going to the gym SOON! Since i now feel flabby and don't feel fit anymore.

With boyfriend's busy schedule. We both manage to steal time for two days, to actually have together by each other arms the whole time. That is what i love; after a very long time not having our alone time. I'm just not going to share what happen- since there's no exact words for me to describe how i felt. But for sure the feeling was great; waking up in the middle of the night noticing that he's just beside you, makes you comfortable. And it was one of the nights where i woke up in the middle of the night, crying. Thank god he was there to comfort me.Making sure that i would sleep first before him.

So i thank him again. for being himself when he's around me.
yes baby, i love you. from baby ganyut?or was it genyut?
whatever nicknames you have for me,
you know i won't love you any less.

2010-05-14T10:19:00.000+08:00

“‘I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you—just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down—not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them—asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me.”
—
(via bloodisthenewblackk)

2010-05-12T20:38:00.003+08:00

I'm tired.

2010-05-10T23:01:00.003+08:00

The dad is in the hospital.
I remember this morning he was so nice to help me choose the clothes i wear today.
he dress me up like a kid. from choosing my clothing to the shoes i wear.
Since he chose the shoe, i had to wear the gold adidas shoe that he bought for me, apparently i only wear them occasionally:)
I gave him a kiss before leaving.
yes, though I'm 19, my dad always wants me to pamper him by kissing him goodbye.
The last image i see of him before i left for school, was him waving me goodbye when i took the lift.

Few hours later,
mom called.
the daddy was admitted to the hospital. Upon knowing that,
the image of my dad back in the hospital few years back flash into my mind.

But oh well, i dint pull a long face throughout the whole day.
instead i let today be the happy day.
I din't let the news affect me.

Because i know my daddy is a strong man.
and hell, he will be better in time to come.

i just don't want him to go through an operation again.
that's all.

2010-05-09T17:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes reading something when you least expects it,
would kill you.

You would go upfront to the person,
wait for the explaination.

Then you will start to think,
am i suppose to believe?
is it okay to give another chance for this?

Then you would start to wonder, is all of this worth it?

Sometimes you just have to follow your own instincts.
Follow your heart and not wait for your partner's reason for the mistakes they did.

LOVE

2010-05-08T23:43:00.001+08:00

It’s sad when you realise that love doesn’t take away your pain or heal your wounds or salve your conscience or assuage your guilt or save your soul. If anything, it makes a bigger mess of you because you become aware of just how empty you really are when he lets go of your hand, of how alone you really are when his arm is no longer around yours, of how broken you really are when he’s not around to fix you with his kisses, of how battered you really are when he stops rubbing your bruises away, of how incomplete and disjointed and fragmented and scattered you are. If anything, it highlights your flaws and blemishes and showcases your tarnishes and defects because you’ve always thought yourself unloveable. But someone comes along and brings you down to your knees with the rapid firing of his machine heart and the impenetrable firewall mechanisms of your own heart are torn down and trampled upon and he tells you that he loves you, despite of, no, because of your flaws and blemishes and tarnishes and defects and it’s the end of your banal existence.

But you sillily think that with love’s huzzah and pizzaz and splendour and all that fucking jazz, you’ll become a new person, happier and freer, and your steps will be quicker and your head will be lighter and your smile will be brighter and your heart will beat faster and your voice will be louder and you will sparkle and shine and sing and dance. And while of that does happen, it doesn’t negate the fact that when the spotlights dim and the curtains close and the audience leaves and it’s just you and the dark and your demons, you’re still broken inside.

Falling in love is lovely. It’s natural and easy and you find yourself falling in love with him every single day of your life and it gives you such a rush, such a high and rapids are gushing inside of you and the most powerful monsoons are raining down on you the most beautiful torrential rains and giant craters of the grand canyon are ensconced in the cavities of your pulsating heart. And it brings with it the promise of a life less solitary, an existence less dreary, a future less weary, and carnal pleasures and wicked fantasies and perverse depravity, and playful banter and idyllic chatter and serious discussions and loud angry words and hisses and rude glares and muttered curses and veiled insults and crude profanities and contenment and acceptance and security and growth and forever.

But you’re a free spirit and something of an extremist and the thought of giving all of yourself to one single entity for the rest of eternity frightens you and nauseates you when there’s so little of you left and even though you know, deep within the secret crevices of your broken heart, that you have found the one who will stand by your side and walk baby steps with you for as long as it takes until you stumble upon yourself, you will fight him for the rest of your life or at least until you’ve come into your own, until you’ve embraced your own immortality, until you’ve come to terms with the limitations of your humanity, until you’ve learned to love the fucking riot of a mess you are, until you’ve forgiven yourself, until you’ve saved yourself, until you’ve loved yourself.

Until then, you’ll love him the only way you know how, with all of yourself, as broken a mess as you are, because you’ve realised that love doesn’t heal you or save you or rescue you or fix you. It accepts you and nurtures you and cocoons you and hugs you tight and holds your hand and never lets go and waits until you’re ready to take the plunge. It just loves you and makes all your pain a little bit more bearable.

(Via penguinprostitution)

2010-05-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

2010-05-08T22:31:00.003+08:00

Click the picture above to read what it is found there!

So the day was spend touching up some of the details for the website design project
and business registration/ presentation slides!
all of this project are due in the coming weeks!

there's about three more projects to do. but the lecturer have yet to brief us about it.
i bet i will be too busy to even go out!
than, boyfriend wouldn't be hearing me complain about how bored i am not going out!

In the afternoon, the sayang beeped me.
met her and of course we had our heart to heart conversation.
it really scares the hell out of me about the future. The many responsibilities that i would have to face.

like she said" It's about time you start thinking about the future, but at the same time go with flow.."

" We want our eyes to be open but not to wide open because we are all too afraid to see the truth.."

2010-05-07T22:31:00.002+08:00

The loverboy never fails to cheer me up.
At times i might be selfish,
crave for his full attention all to myself.
hell, he knows i have always been patient with his busy schedule.
and once in awhile he tries to squeeze time for me.

When he does, i love it alot...

2010-05-07T22:27:00.002+08:00

And when you lie, you will just loose that trust the person had for you.
Building up the trust would take time.

So perhaps just tell the truth.
to your friends.lovers.parents.
so what if they don't accept it.
at least you know, you're being straight forward.

Sometimes we just need people to be direct to us,
to know about our true-self.

Glee - Total Eclipse Of The Heart

2010-05-06T20:19:00.001+08:00

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
Now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
Total eclipse of the heart

[Instrumental Break]

Turnaround bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
Now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
Total eclipse of the heart
Total eclipse of the heart
A Total eclipse of the heart
Turn around bright eyes

Kennedy Brock

2010-05-06T19:10:00.002+08:00

John and Kennedy is the BOMB!
John's voice is so sexy...

2010-05-06T18:27:00.002+08:00

I actually miss going out and watch movies with friends.
I also miss spending the time with boyfriend.

Since we are all busy with our schedule,
i shall just endure it.